Raising Olives is having a GIVEAWAY for the Family Bible Study Guide for Proverbs by Kevin Swanson. I’ve had this in my Amazon cart for a few weeks but have hesitated to purchase it- I SO hope I win it! I’ve been reading Proverbs to the children every morning as we start school and I think this study would help me to explain the Proverbs more thoroughly.
I have thought about compiling a list of notes to myself for years. I’ve hesitated doing so because I do NOT want to cast a bad light on my own mother. I don’t know if my own kids or grandkids will someday read this & I do not want to give my Mom a bad name if this is read many years from now. Truly, the good and bad on the the following list comes from many sources- a few from my own Mom or Mother-in-law but many also come from stories I hear from friends, neighbors, aquaintenances, things I’ve read online, etc. Hopefully I will add to this over the years.
1. As a MIL, if you do not fully love and accept your child’s spouse, you WILL damage your own relationship with your child and your grandchildren.
For Brenda to see:
Nathan, Savvy & Mary- 4/2008
(This is a reposting of something I posted on 12/2/2009. A reminder to myself. It is a response to a question I received from a highschool friend. She emailed me to ask about "raising her girl with discipline, respect yet still have a sense of self and identity".)
My VERY unpopular opinion but I think the KEY to raising disciplined and respectful children with a sense of self and identity is… keep them away from other children! Ha! I know that is contrary to what all the “experts” say.
Does this mean my kids are living in isolation and that we never allow them to see any other children? No, of course not. What it does mean is that we are very, very choosy about who we play with and what activities the children participate in.
We have a FEW other families that we get together with occasionally- I try to have a playdate or field trip once a week.
I want my kids to be free from the pressures of their peers to conform to whatever the “cool” thing is. I want them to be free to explore their own interests and their own gifts without worrying about what everyone else is doing. Not only that, I don’t want them picking up the popular attitudes of today. I do not think it is cool to have a sassy mouthed 3 year old and it is *mind-blowing* to me that most people seem to think it is cute yet don’t get the association between a sassy 3yo and an out-of-control, mouthy, disrespectful teenager. What’s cute at 3yo suddenly isn’t so cute in a 13yo. But by that time it’s mostly to late to change. Similarly, we’ve got 2 year olds dressing like street walkers and it’s “cute” yet these same parents are positively aghast when their 12yo wants to wear the same thing. With boys, there is either a lot of encouragement or excusing of aggressive behavior- “oh, well, he’s only 2yo.” or “he’s SUCH a boy!”. They don’t “grow out of it” and it’s not “just a phase”. You have to TEACH and TRAIN them or you have aggressive teenagers. Tasers in school, anyone??? Clearly it’s a problem in our society. The fact that police officers even see a need for tasers in school should be a clue that something is wrong with our children. Silliness is also a problem, especially in boys, it seems. (And we are struggling with this with Nathan right now). I’m not saying we should never have a silly or fun moment- but it goes to far- it’s a form of refusing to take responsibility and often, of refusing obedience.
So many parents these days are on the highest alert when it comes to their child’s physical safety. But, time and time again I see parents who give little or no thought to their child’s MENTAL safety. We want to guard very carefully what our kids are listening to, seeing & learning. A part of that is limiting television (although we do watch some Noggin and PBS but no Disney Channel) but we also need to be concerned with what they are exposed to by other children. Listen, as Sarah well knows, my kids aren’t perfect by any stretch. But here’s the thing- generally speaking (there are some rare exceptions) kids don’t influence each other for the good. So if my son struggles with whining and my friend’s son struggles with being a bully- what happens when they play together??? My son comes home having picked up some bullying tactics and her son goes home having learned a whole new level of whining. Again, we DO see other kids on occasion- but I am careful about who we socialize with. Young children are little sponges, soaking up every experience, always watching and learning and gathering bits and pieces to incorporate into their own life. So I am very careful about WHAT they are learning by monitoring WHO we are playing with and keeping a good eye on them while we are playing. We don’t do drop off playdates, ever. Period. (As an aside, you probably know that of the number of kids who are sexually molested, 93% of those are molested by someone they know. BUT- and this was shocking to me- did you know that of those kids molested by someone they know, 40% of them are molested by OTHER CHILDREN who are older or larger? Yet another reason we don’t do unsupervised playdates.)
In addition- as you will see once baby gets older- it is VERY, VERY difficult to discipline your children out in public. And young children needs lots of teaching and training to learn the proper way to behave and discipline for when they refuse. For this reason, we are careful about how much time we spend outside of the home. I really can’t teach and train effectively out in public. If my 2yo has a throw down fit in the middle of the store, I’m pretty well stuck. If she does it at home, well, I am more free to deal with it. And that doesn’t always mean a spanking. It might just mean OUTLASTING. Her world comes to a screeching STOP until she does what she’s been told to do. Until then, we sit right there and work through the issue. I give the command to pick up the block (or whatever), she refuses and has a throw down fit. I stand her up again, give the command, she refuses, etc. And we keep at it until she chooses to obey. IT’S NOT ABOUT THE BLOCK, it’s about:
1. She understands the command
2. She is capable of doing what’s been asked
3. She is refusing to obey
She needs to learn that she MUST obey Mommy and that is hard to do if you are out of the house, running around town with her all day.
If I can’t get her to obey at home and pick up a block when asked, then how can I be sure she’ll obey when it’s really important? For example, in a busy parking lot?
So I minimize the amount of time we are out of the house. I have a sitter that comes once a week for 3 or 4 hours. I go out to lunch, read my paper and have a personal moment. After that, I try to get all my errands done during that time so that I am not dragging the children out multiple times a week.
They do go out twice a week for Tae Kwon Do lessons and once a week for our playdate. If Kip or I go out in the evening or on the weekend to run an errand- frequently he’ll take one kid or I’ll take one. So they get out a bit then plus it’s 1 + 1 time. We go for walks and visit with neighbors often. I don’t want to give the impression that we’re completely isolated- we’re just very careful about outside influences.
Sarah- I’m sure that is a MUCH longer response than you expected. Sorry if I was a bit wordy… as you know, it is a topic that is near & dear to my heart.
Hope you are doing well and enjoying the holidays!
Love, Kelly
by Dixie Willson
To be read slowly and quietly
I like the fall
The mist and all
I like the night owl’s lonely call
And wailing sound
Of wind around
I like the gray
November day
And dead, bare boughs that coldly sway
Against my pane
I like the rain
I like to sit
And laugh at it
And tend my cozy fire a bit
I like the fall
The mist and all
Lyra in her high chair, chewing on one of her favorite toys. She’s been chewing & drooling a lot- I’m starting to wonder if she’s teething??
She’s also been sucking on her fingers a lot- Mary, Nathan & Savvy were all thumbsuckers and I think this sucking on her fingers is the CUTEST thing ever- I’ve taken a million pictures of it because it’s just so sweet!
8/25/10- More finger sucking cuteness. Also- look at her cute bunny rabbit slippers!
Sunday, 5/23/2010
Savvy, as usual, has her jewelry on first thing in the morning. She likes to make these little beds/nests all around the house.
5/27/2010- My beautiful Mary! I just LOVE this girl- she is such a treasure!
Mystery Solved! Why in the world are the sunflower sprouts not doing well? They’re always laying down flat and the other seedlings are doing great… Well- “the boss” aka “ruler of the house” aka “RED Jewell” was CAUGHT today- now we know why the sunflowers aren’t doing so great!
4/22/10- 4 weeks old
4/27/10- 5 weeks old
4/30/10- 5 weeks old
5/6/10- 6 weeks old
5/10/10- 7 weeks old
5/13/10- 7 weeks old
5/14/10- 7 weeks old
