Three Little Jewells

A Little More on Submission….

A little more on submission…
While we’re talking on submission, especially as it relates to Mr. Steadies, I’ll share something I need to work on.

As a “steady” type, dh would be absolutely mortified to be seen as a tyrant.   And I have to admit, I’m ashamed, but I sometimes take advantage of his good nature and his desire to be nice, go with the flow, etc.  There’s lots of times that I know he wouldn’t want to do something but if I ask him, he’ll do it anyway, go along with it, etc.   How horrid is that? A part of submission, for me, is choosing not to ask for something that I know is not what he really wants but he’ll go along with it if I ask.  (that was an awkward way to word it, sorry, it’s late)
I can’t think of any really good examples to illustrate this point.  Like, if I wanted to go out to dinner but I knew he didn’t feel like it and was really tired from a long day at work.  If I tell him I’d like to go out for dinner, he’ll say okay, but I know it’s not what he really wants to do.
This is an area I really need to improve in- I should not be taking advantage of his good nature.

I think I’ve been doing really well on being thankfull for all that he has provided for us, something that is also important to “steadies”.  Also, earlier this summer, I participated in a “marriage challange” over at the Raising Godly Tomatoes message board that did wonderful things for us.   Every day, for 30 days, you do three things:
1. pray for your dh
2. initiate hf
3. share something good about dh with someone else or keep a list of good things about dh, adding something new every day.  (Helps with learning to be thankful for your dh).

Submission

Submission

Wow!  Now that’s an unpopular word among women nowadays!   I had a conversation with a friend about submission (that’d be you, Kath, if you’re reading this) and it got me thinking some more about how submission is so misunderstood among women today.  I think the common picture of a submissive wife is one of the woman as a doormat.    I should say that first, submission is different in every marriage.
For me, a key to understanding submission was first figuring out what kind of husband I had and what submission looks like to him.   I read Debi Pearl’s Created to be his HelpMeet and was blown away by her discription of the three types of men- Kip is so clearly a Mr. Steady.  Read here for her discription of the three different types of men.  (disclaimer: I am not one of those who think this book is the be-all-end-all of marriage books.  I thought her discriptions of types of men were good ones but by no means are they the only good descriptions- I’m sure there are others out there)

One of the most valuable things I learned from this was that my dh takes great pride in the successes of his wife.   In fact, the more “successfull” I am, the better he feels about himself.   For me, as a stay-at-home-mom/housewife the way that I am successful is to keep a clean, well-organized household, good meals on the table, children that are well-trained (working on that one), etc.   To put it bluntly, dh feels sucessful and competent when the house is clean, the  meals are delicious and the kids are well-behaved and neat.  That was *so* convicting to me- that how I do *my* job effects dh’s feelings of self-worth. Now, this is certainly not true for every man- there are plenty of men who don’t really care about that stuff but it is an essential ingredient for happiness in our marriage.   Kath said to me: “How is that submission?  That’s just being a good wife!”   It’s submission because truth be told, I often don’t feel like doing housework or baking cookies.  I’d rather take a nap or read a book.   It’s submission when I get up and clean the kitchen  and bake some cookies even when I don’t feel like it.  It’s submission when I take several hours to plan our menu when I would rather putz around online.   It’s submission when I haul the babies upstairs to change them, wash their faces and comb their hair and to fix myself up before Kip gets home even though I don’t feel like carrying 55 lbs. of children up a flight of stairs.

I’ll be the first to say, I really struggle with this submission thing.  I’ve got lots of opinions and I’m the excitable type.   My children aren’t perfectly behaved all the time and sometimes the house is a wreck.  But I’m really working on it.