March 24, 2009
Sleepy Bit- 19 months old. Notice giraffy tucked up securely underneath her and thumby inserted in mouth. So much cuteness in one little baby.
Big kids playing in the backyard.
Three Little Jewells
Archive for the month “March, 2009”
Children and chores
Working Children
(My thoughts on the value of teaching and training your children to work around the home. The question in red below was posted on a parenting forum that I frequent. There was a back-and-forth discussion to this question- I’ve cut and pasted some of my responses below. Please forgive any choppiness to my reply- I didn’t want to rewrite the entire thing and it would have been to long if I had posted the entire give-and-take.
Question: “I’ve heard very differing opinions on this. Some moms feel guilty for making their children do much so the children only do the most basic of chores and the mom does everything else. Other families have the philosophy that the children are to “work us out of a job” and gradually take over running the house. I think I lean more towards feeling guilty so I don’t require much from my children…Should we worry about our children becoming resentful if we require them to do too much?”
My Answer:
You know, my Mom felt “guilty” about asking us kids to help out. She felt like being a SAHM and running the household was “her job” and that school was us kids “job”.
The result? Although my mother can sew quite well, grew the largest garden in our county (not an exaggeration) and canned all her own vegetables, cross-stitched samplers, etc. my sister and I know how to do NONE of this stuff.
I was an ADULT (actually it was only a few years ago!) before I learned that Downy was a fabric softener! I thought it was for washing your delicates! So for years and years I washed all our delicates in Downy. 
I was an adult before I learned how to make my own pie crust or learned how to can. Both times my mother came once to show me and I had to try to take copious notes to help me remember what she said/what to do because she lives 2 hours away. So it’s not as if I had a little trouble getting the crust right or something with the canning process that she could just pop back over and give me a few corrections.
I could go on and on about all the things that I’ve had to learn as an adult that I wished I’d learned as a kid. My Mother didn’t teach us how to cook or how to do laundry or any of those things. Very little was required of us beyond vacuuming, dusting and picking up the dinner dishes. (This is no slam on my Mom- she had a lot on her plate- Dad was gone flying, the gardening, us three kids, taking care of three mentally disabled men for the state- she had a long list of things to do each day and was short on time)
I really want my daughters to enter into adulthood CAPABLE AND CONFIDENT that they know how to run a household. I’d like for them to sew and know how to can. Be experienced at menu planning, grocery shopping and cooking. (I can do all those things very well now but it took me years to get here.)
So, to me, it’s not something that I’ll feel guilty about AT ALL. On the contrary, I’d feel guilty if I DIDN’T take the time to teach and train my daughters how to do these things! My goal is for them to NOT enter marriage feeling like they are starting at square 1, you know? It’s not about “working myself out of a job” so much as teaching and training them to run a household so that they are able to do so very capably when they have their own home. I can’t see that I’d ever be sitting on the couch eating bon bons while my daughters slave over the house. I envision more working along side them, helping them to get that pie crust just right, how to season a roast just so, good organizational techniques, etc.
(Not to leave Nathan out- he’ll learn too but we are mostly focused on him working with his Dad at our family business and learning how to properly run the business.)
I suppose, like all things, it’s a bit of a heart issue? Are you turning over laundry and other housework out of laziness? Are you just going to be sitting on the couch watching soap operas and drinking a Mt. Dew while your kids slave away running the entire house because you’re to lazy to get up? NO- OF COURSE NOT! You’re heart is to train them to do these jobs so that they will be comfortable doing them when they have their own home! I’m always annoyed at these women who fawn over every little thing their kid does with excessive praise- I remember watching the Duggar episode where they were building their house and all the kids age 7 and up had their own cordless drills. I remember thinking- now THAT is self-esteem! Feeling confident and capable because you actually KNOW how to do something and your parents TRUST and BELIEVE that you can do a good job. It’s like Mike Pearl talks about in his article “Jumping Ship”- the importance of making your kids feel like you are all in this together, they’re part of a team and their contributions are VITAL for the success of the family.
For some reason I get the feeling that you think you shouldn’t require the children to do work unless you are working every single second of the day and are stretched to the limit- but see, to me, then the goal of having them do some work is to help you out vs. the goal of training them how to manage a household. Two different things. (not that there is anything wrong with kids helping out a stressed out parent either!)
I’m not running around exercising, doing projects or organizing all the-live-long-day either. It’s really not the point though. The point is to train your children to be able to run a household competently. I have quiet time every day for 1-2 hours. I read or nap or putz on the computer. Every single solitary minute of my day isn’t spent working. But then, you know, when I had a “real job”, I didn’t spend every single second working either. There were down times- bathroom and lunch breaks, chit-chat with a co-worker, etc. Why should it be any different just because we are working from home?
A Few Links…
Don’t miss these good links- all of them are short but worthwhile.
Weakness “I have a friend who often reminds me that we as a church body should be encouraging each other’s strengths and protecting one another’s weaknesses. I told my children that. I have been seeing far too much teasing of weaknesses, or annoyance at each other’s annoying traits, rather than gentle forbearance and patient protection of hearts….We are family. We should be joyfully encouraging the strengths and boldly protecting the weaknesses. I don’t mean excusing the weaknesses. I mean that we should be patiently, lovingly, gently understanding that something is a weakness in another person rather than allowing that trait to get under our skin.”
Funniest Engagement Stories from Posie Gets Cozy- So cute! There are 10 short and funny stories.
Family Bonding from The Common Room “The more experiences, words, anecdotes, jokes the family have in common, the closer they are bound together…. Humor is one of those spiritual values which will help tide us over the years when the children are young. But that is stopping short of the truth, for humor and gaity and merriment are a never-failing benediction.” From Mrs. Moffett Benton’s At the Pace of a Hen.
Streets With No Kids “Adults don’t even know how to feel about children anymore, because we spend so much time away from them. We view them as burdens, messing up our personal goals and desires. We look forward to the time we can lock them back up in their age-rooms. The separation makes it easy to overlook their bad behavior and their bad behavior makes the separation easier.”
New Schedule
I’ve been needing to update our schedule. Here is the new and revised edition.
Jewell Family Schedule
Spring 2009
7:00-7:30am Children: eating breakfast
Mom: Showering and dressing for day. Make Nathan’s bed. Savvy’s room.
7:30-9:00am Children: Free play time in the living room.
Mom: Clean up breakfast, check dinner status, start laundry, email, etc.
9:00-9:30am Everyone upstairs. Get all children dressed. Help Nathan with piano practice while Mary is making her bed and straightening her room.
9:30-10:30am SCHOOL- Bible, Memory Work, Reading, Math, Science, History
10:30-11:30am Big kids are outside (weather permitting). Savvy with Mom. Straighten school room and living room. Laundry switch.
11:30-12:30pm Lunch
12:30-1:00pm Upstairs. Read aloud from Science book. Kids going to bathroom and getting ready for nap.
1:00-4:00pm Nap
4:00-5:30pm Big kids outside (weather permitting). Savvy with Mom.
5:30-6:00pm Get ready for Daddy to come home. Kids combed and straightened- watch a video. Last minute dinner prep.
6:00-6:45pm Dinner and clean up
6:45-7:15pm Mary: Handwriting with Dad followed by Family Devotions for everyone. 7:15-7:30pm Pajama kids, brush teeth, etc.
7:30pm Kids in bed for the night
Quote…
Excellent quote about homeschooling by E, owner of Raising Godly Tomatoes.
Why I Homeschool
I know that a lot of people think I’m over-protective and that’s why I homeschool. Or that I’m overly controlling and that’s why I homeschool. They think I’m paranoid that my child will hear a dirty word, or that I’m paranoid that they might want a boy friend or girlfriend. Or they think that my biggest fear is that my kids will get into drugs or sex or some other horrible thing. But no, that’s not really why I homeschool. I homeschool because I don’t want my children to learn to THINK like an unbeliever. I don’t want them to be persuaded toward the secular mindset. I don’t want them to be led astray by the ungodly psychology-based teachings that have now captured the hearts of MOST of our country’s people. We are no longer a “Christian” nation and can no longer trust our school to uphold Christian values and thus teach right thinking. It’s time for us to break away and protect our children from this influence if we possibly can. I am so thankful to God for providing us with the window of opportunity called “homeschooling”.
New Nursery
When we converted the bonus room into the school room we had to find a new place for the guest bedroom furniture. We really do need a guest room as we have a LOT of out-of-town company on a fairly regular basis. I’ve never been happy with how the nursery “felt”- there wasn’t enough furniture or something- it felt empty and not really finished.
So, we combined the rooms. When we have overnight company Savannah will sleep in the pack-n-play in Mary’s room. The tentative plan is to put both girls in that room this coming winter so it’s good practice for learning to sleep together.
Standing in the doorway, looking to the left side of the room. You can see the very corner of the dresser on the left. The bed and nightstand were Kip’s childhood furniture. The picture is one of me that was done at an amusement park when I was around 10 years old, I think. Remember how they would have an artist out on the sidewalk and you’d pay him $10 to draw your picture? I went to Darien Lake Amusement Park with my best friends family. Her Mom made Chi and I both get our picture done. My parents framed it, they were so pleased. I, however, was not so pleased at the time! Now all this room needs is crown molding… that will be a project for another year….
Standing at the foot of the bed, looking to the right of the room. The picture above the changing table is one my Mother cross-stitched. It used to hang in our bedroom when I was a kid. The picture above the crib is another one she cross-stitched and the blue bird above that is my crib attachment from when I was a baby.
The large elephant on the right side of the dresser was one of my baby toys. The small elephant next to it was one of Kip’s baby toys. The music box between the wipes container and the picture frame was one of Kip’s Mom’s. It has two sisters on it, one brown haired and one blond, just like Mary and Savvy.
Standing in the doorway, looking straight in. The dresser is to my immediate left and then the bed is beyond that.
March 20-21, 2009
Before I forget this one…
Last week it rained from Thursday (3/12) through Monday night (3/16). As we were eating dinner Monday night it was our fifth day of rain. Mary looked out the window at the steady downpair and remarked, “we need to build an ark“. She was quite serious too- Kip and I got a good laugh out of that one.
Friday, March 20, 2009
My cousins brought us apples from NY when they were here a few weeks ago so Mary and I spent Friday afternoon baking an apple pie. Mary had her own little rolling pin and pie plates- you can see she is ready to go. In addition to apple pie, we also made a lemon pie. (Notice cute little puddin’ peeking at the camera from her spot at the table).
Mary, measuring the flour out for the pie crust. She’s a good little baker for being only 5 years old!
Saturday, March 21, 2009
I’d been wanting to do something special with her for a while. Nathan gets to go to work and out to lunch with his Dad on Saturdays and on Wednesday nights I take him to piano and then afterwards to Subway for a cookie of his choice and a juice box. Kip takes Mary out to breakfast, just the two of them, quite often but I don’t get as much one-on-one time with her as I’d like to. So, on Saturday, while Kip and Nathan were at work, I took Mary to Build-A-Bear.
Mary, out front of the Build-A-Bear store.
She picked a pink unicorn- here she is getting ready to stuff it.
“Washing” her new unicorn, named “Sparkle”.
She picked out an outfit…
Getting “Sparkle” dressed and getting the birth certificate.
Mary and Sparkle driving a firetruck at the front of the store.
NATHAN’S FIRST DRAWING!!!!
We have an art table set up in the kitchen and it’s kept stocked with paper, colored pencils and crayons. Markers are available but kept up higher because of Savannah. Still, while Mary and Savannah are at the art table ALL the time, Nathan has never been interested. Then, yesterday, all of a sudden he decided he wanted to draw a picture. He drew these four snowmen. This is his first picture- everything prior to this has just been scribbling.
Favorite art works on the side of the kitchen hutch. Nathan’s new drawing at the top. Mary’s rendition of a submarine is the next one down. Third, a water color by Mary from last summer. On the bottom, Mary’s drawing of snowmen from earlier in the day- quite possibly this is what inspired Nathan to give it a try.
Savannah, after dinner on Saturday night. For such a tiny, petite little thing, she sure can eat. On Thursday night she ate more than the rest of us, even Kip. She ate TWO entire plates of goulash, garlic bread, some fruit and I don’t remember what for dessert. She must have a high metabolism because I don’t see any other way she can eat the way she does and still have problems keeping weight on her (she continues to be in the 5% for weight).
Kids- Thursday, March 19, 2009
*sigh* It’s nearly impossible to get all three kids looking at the camera at the same time and smiling. 2 out of 3 isn’t bad though, is it?
Sweet Savvy….
For your amusement, an incident at the grocery store yesterday.
I was at the grocery store on Friday with the three kiddies. Mary is walking beside me, Savvy is in the front of the cart and Nathan is in the large part of the cart where you put the groceries. The children are all sitting/walking quietly and doing what they were supposed to do.
We were in the produce section choosing tangelos when this nice lady approaches us and starts to speak to Nathan.
(A moment before I had told him to stand up in the cart but to hold onto the sides b/c I had just put bananas and apples in the cart so I didn’t want him to crush them)
Lady speaking to Nathan: You need to sit down! That’s very dangerous!
(Nathan is looking confused b/c I just told him to stand up and now some stranger is giving him the opposite instructions)
Me: No, really he’s fine. I just told him to stand up. (smile!)
Lady to me: No he’s not! That’s very dangerous! He needs to sit down!
Then she turns to Nathan and says “That’s very dangerous! You need to sit down right now!”
…. Now, usually when this stuff happens I’m to flabbergasted to even know what to say and I get all flustured and just walk away. But today, well, I don’t know what came over me but I had the right words all of a sudden!
ME to Lady: NO, he doesn’t need to sit down. What he needs to do is mind his mommy and I just told him to stand. (I smiled while I said it and tried to be pleasant but firm).
She looked surprised and just turned away. I don’t she was trying to be mean, just old-lady nosy-ish. 
Honestly though, the NERVE to argue with me and to then to continue to correct and direct my son while I’m standing right there giving him opposite directions!
A guest posting…
This excellent post is by Chautona over at Paradoxology. She very graciously allowed me to post it here. I have my own little anecdote at the end. (I bolded certain parts of the text.)
Do Parents a Favor~
There is nothing (ok, so there is probably something but it feels, at this particular moment as though there is nothing) more insulting than to hear, “It must be nice to have easy kids.”
Let me give you a news flash. I’ve never seen an “easy” kid. Even those who don’t challenge you directly, have their own quirks and problems that result in much work on the part of parents. Just take note, right now, there are no “easy kids”. There might be kids who pull wool over their parents’ eyes, kids who are hard for a time and then easy, kids who are easy for a time and then hard, but every person at some point in their life, must confront their own sinfulness and conquer it and it’s the job of parents to do their part.
But back to insults. There is nothing more frustrating to a parent who has put hundreds or thousands of hours investing in their child, working through character flaws, training in obedience and godliness, only to have that effort tossed in the garbage with a thoughtless, “it must be nice to have easy kids.”
I’ve heard it, and I have friends who have heard it and I guarantee, we all have shortened tongues from where we’ve bitten the ends off trying not to make snarky retorts to the inaccurate and annoying comments of people who have no clue what we go through to “produce” those “easy kids.”
- I’ve put a child’s entire birthday cake/meal back on the shelves and left the store with nothing for a bad attitude.
- A friend has crawled in between bouts of vomiting to deal with a child who refused to obey before crawling back to that toilet.
- Everyone of my babies (except the eldest obviously) has been put down mid-feeding while I dealt with an errant child who thought they could get away with murder while mom was latched to the infant.
- I’ve held fake conversations on the phone, for hours, in order to train my children that it doesn’t matter WHAT I am doing, I will stop any conversation and deal with misbehavior.
- I’ve dragged sobbing children back to stores and made them return stolen items, pay for said items, and leave without said items.
- I’ve spent four hours, at a friend’s house, working with a stubborn toddler, until she obeyed. During pregnancy, while contracting, and wanting nothing but a long nap… for all of us!
- I have a friend who has spent twice that time doing the same thing with her “easy kid”.
I could go on for hours, but the fact is, I don’t have to prove to anyone that my kid is just as sinful as the next. That really isn’t even my point. My point is that when I say, “My kid wouldn’t ever try that in my home,” it isn’t because he wouldn’t have at one point. It is because I worked hard, every day of their lives, from the day they were born until they leaned that mom and dad’s word was like the law of the Medes and the Persians. It will not waver. Yes I failed. Often. I will tell you, however, that I succeeded often enough to make a lasting impression.
Why do people recognize all the work that goes into an exquisite painting, a masterfully played sonata, or a hand stitched quilt but if a child is well behaved, it must be because he’s “easy”. Why do people think that “good kids” just “happen” to run in families? Wouldn’t it make more sense that they’d be sprinkled a bit more evenly through the population?
Do hard working moms everywhere a favor. Next time you see a well behaved child, make a positive comment about the child or their behavior. Please don’t tell the mom how nice it must be to have an “easy child”. It would truly be kinder if you slapped her in the face.
It’s me again….I remember once when Nathan was at the cardiologist for his 2 year (I think) checkup- the cardiologist kept going on and on about how good Nathan was, how he just couldn’t believe that we could have a 2yo that would lie still for an echocardiogram and an EKG without having to be put to sleep, yada yada yada.
So, I said- “thanks, we work really hard at teaching good behavior at home”.
The cardio looked at me and said “oh no, you can’t teach them good behavior this young. He’s just a naturally easy child.”
My word did I just have to restrain myself.
