I Can’t Afford To Stay Home, Vol.3
I think I hurt some feelings with this post so I want to elaborate a little on what I was trying to say.
BUT, if you’re working and think you can’t afford to stay home but you would like to, then this post is for you. 
I used to watch this tv show called Starting Over that certainly had it’s cheesy moments but I did learn something valuable that I still use today. One of the life coaches had a term she used “awfulizing”- when there’s a big decision to be made and we’re paralyzed by indecision because of fear of the unknown- you know- what might happen, etc. she would say to “awfulize” the situation. Go through all the worse case scenarios that could happen and come up with a plan for how you would handle it if it did actually arise. I do this often now, when I’m afraid of making a decision about something big- I awfulize it- play out in my mind all the scenarios that could happen and how I would handle them. And somehow, it makes it easer to decide once I’ve done that.
SO- If you’re afraid to stay home because you think you may not be able to afford it, think about this-
There are essentially four scenarios that could happen (that I can think of)
#1. You could continue working and realize that you love it and don’t want to be home with your children.
#2. You could decide to stay at home and realize that you really do love it and that somehow the money works itself out and everything is just fine.
#3. You could give up all kinds of things- your job, 2nd car, internet, cell phone, cable, etc. to stay at home and end up hating it.
#4. You could continue working and wish you could stay at home.
Now, scenarios #1 and #2 are obviously ideal so not worth talking about. Let’s awfulize #3 and #4.
#3. You could give up all kinds of things- your job, 2nd car, internet, cell phone, cable, etc. to stay at home and end up hating it.
Quit your job to stay at home- you could get another job if you decided you didn’t like being at home or couldn’t find a way to work out the money.
Give up your cell phone and get a track phone or have no phone- you could get another cell phone if you went back to work.
Sell your second car or trade down so that you don’t have a car payment- if you went back to work you could get a car again or trade up again for a nicer car.
Internet, cable tv, tivo- you could get all that back with a phone call and it would be reconnected in no time.
#4. You could continue working and wish you could stay at home.
See, here’s the problem. When you awfulize #3- you can get back everything you gave up if you want to. If you quit your job to stay at home even though you can’t really afford to do so- if you cancel cable, internet, cellphones, sell the car, live off Ramen Noodles- whatever- you can get it all back if you decide in hindsight that you’ve made a mistake.
But, if you take scenario #4, and you look back down the road and say you know- in hindsight, I should have made the leap to stay home, regardless of finances. You can’t get that time back. Your baby is gone. The time is gone and you can never get it back. There’s no do-overs.
I just peeked in the living room and do you know what I saw? my baby- my long, long awaited for baby who was just born yesterday??? She’s 4 1/2 on her way to being 5 years old. How did that happen?
I’m so glad not to have missed it- I want to be here when she skins her knees or has questions about God or says all the funny things that little kids do. I don’t want to miss those things because she’s at day care and I’m at work.
Please, hear my heart here- I am not coming from a place of condemnation- I really want to encourage those of you who want to stay home with your babies/children and think you can’t afford it- TRY IT! You’ll be surprised at all the ways you’ll save money by being at home and all the things that you really won’t miss much if you give them up.
Below are some some links about finances, staying home, frugal living:
The Benefits of Money Management
Mommy Savers
Mommy Savers Forum
Dollar Stretcher
Mom Advice
Frugal Village Forum
Hot Coupon World
Frugal Hacks A huge list of blogs that focus on frugal living
Frugal Homemaker
Money Saving Mom
Living On A Dime
NOTE: Now, I got a call after the last post on this topic from a friend who thought I was talking to her. Lest anyone think this post is directed at YOU, know that I know lots of working moms and I’m not speaking to anyone in particular. I wrote this post and the previous one because I hear working moms tell me all the time that they wish they could stay home but feel that they can’t afford it. And I really want to help them see that, with rare exception, you CAN afford it if you are willing to live on less. And ladies?? trust me- it’s so worth it. If given the choice between the higher standard of living I had when we both worked and going without to stay home with the children??? It’s no contest which is more rewarding. I’m so glad that I took a chance and quit even though we “couldn’t afford it”. Love to you all. kj
