Being Your Child’s Friend
A reposting of an old post…. I needed the reminder and thought I would share it with you guys as well.
FIRST, read this most excellent article entitled Have Your Cake And Eat It Too
SECOND, my thoughts on it from this post in September.
I’ve been really struggling lately with one of my children. I came across these quotes today from Michael Pearl and it was just the reminder I needed.
“Be a friend. Do with them the things that they enjoy doing. Be caring. Be more ready with your ear than you are with your mouth. Be very sensitive to their concerns….”
“Parent, above all, you must cultivate that kind of a relationship with your child. It is painful to sin against your best buddy. If you can maintain this bond with your child you will never have a problem child.”
“A spanking is made effective not by it’s severity, but by it’s certainty.” (There’s that consistency thing again.)
“I rule benevolently. Love and respect are my primary tools of persuasion. I lead, not command from a distant bunker.”
“A child can’t rebel against his best buddy….If you will praise and reward the desired behavior, there will be very little undesirable behavior. You will be speaking ten times the encouraging word for every rebuke……If your child is not doing anything praiseworthy then take his hand to walk beside you until he does do something worthy.”
And finally Pearl says:
“Check yourself for balance by asking the question, ‘Do my children view me as a stern and severe disciplinarian or as a cheerful and wonderful companion and guide?’ Your judgments and punishments should be lost in the many hours of happy communion.”
To read more of what he has to say about parenting, check out their website: No Greater Joy
Also- this article I posted earlier relates to the above topic and is a good one: Have your cake and Eat it too…
The thing that I think most people miss is that it’s possible to be both your child’s friend and their parent. It’s not an either/or choice. I parent- I discipline and train my children accordingly. But I think it’s equally important for them to see that I enjoy them- that I like being with them and doing things with them, that I’m interested in the things they are doing. What Pearl says here “It is painful to sin against your best buddy. If you can maintain this bond with your child you will never have a problem child.” is true. I think it’s one of the big reasons I never got to wild as a teenager- I would not have wanted to disappoint my mother. And you know what??? This is a big part of the problem that I am dealing with in reference to my difficulties with one child. I’m wondering if a little more time spent “tying heartstrings” would help on the discipline front.
Here’s what Pearl recommends and what I *clearly* need to work on with this particular child:
“If you sense that the strings of fellowship have been cut, you will want to tie new ones. Here are just a few suggestions on tying strings:
*First and foremost, look at your children and smile.
*Enjoy their company and demonstrate it by inviting them to go with you when the only reason is a desire to have them with you. For the young, look at pictures or read a book together.
*Sit on the floor and play. Tumble and roll, laugh, and tickle.
*Take them on outings of adventure, excitement and “danger”.
*Take a ten-minute trip to the treehouse to see their creations.
*Let them lead you out to the swing and show you their latest stunt.
*Make a kite or build a birdhouse together.
*Mother, teach your children to do everything that must be done in the house. Make it a fun experience. Don’t use the very young as slave labor, or they will experience burnout. Let them bake cookies at three years of age. When you are sewing, let the young ones sit on the floor and cut out doll clothes. When you are painting, let them take a few swipes.
The idea is for them to feel that they are very special to you, and ofr them to know that you find great satisfaction and delight in sharing with them. If you order your life so your children feel needed, they will desire to walk in harmony with you.”
