So lately, I’ve been thinking about being feminine and raising daughters to be feminine. Then this question was asked on the RGT message board and the responses to it gave me much food for thought. I thought I’d share a bit of it here, with Blsdmama’s permission.
Original Question from Tracilynn: This is more of a general question to get other peoples take on encouraging our daughters to be feminine and to possess a godly view of womanhood. What do you do/have you done in your family? what are some recommended resources? what has NOT worked out so well? stories, ideas, advice, future plans and anecdotes welcome!
BlsdMama wrote a great response. She said:
(She also has a good post up on Godly Feminity , which is something that I soooo struggle with. Good food for thought- check it out)
I *do* think it was a mistake to involve my daughter in soccer. I really, sadly, do.
Okay, but why? It isn’t choosing a more “feminine” sport over a less “feminine” sport. Ask yourself, what is the purpose of X sport?
Well, for one competition. I’m not entirely sure how building a competitive nature in our daughters will make them a more suitable helpmeet, or more mild mannered.
I ADORE soccer. I really do. I love it. I own a rather lot of sports equipment for a woman with four little girls. I am more likely to be found playing soccer than sewing. I like to cheer them on, I go to practices, I’m on the soccer board. I love soccer.
That said, I’m not happy we got her involved. She loves it and I do believe it is going to die a very natural death… we can’t continue soccer for her age level within this community. So, this Spring will probably be it for her.
But, I usually go back to Tina (from MOMYS) age old line… It is not a question of is it good enough. It is a question of is this what is BEST? So, I ask myself, if I want what is MOST godly and what is the BEST I can instill in my daughters, is soccer that one thing that will most instill godly femininity? I don’t think anyone could say yes. There are so many things we could do without the two nights of practice and all day spent at soccer on Saturday. Could we make a meal for an elderly neighbor? Could we sew a jumper for a little sister? Could we read something lovely and be inspired by God’s grace?
I think sports was/is a good family builder for us. We ALL go to every single game. We go to many practices that it would be unnecessary for us to go. We get involved in the community things. However, I do know that if we didn’t have soccer, we’d pour that energy into something else that was more time-worthy. I think we find many things are good enough, but when we ask ourselves, “Is this the BEST I can offer?” Well, the answer is no.
I find this very much like the television question. Is Sesame Street inherently evil? Well, no. Is a 1/2 hour of television going to maim my 3 year old for life? Well, no. But is there something I or a sibling could be doing with him that would be BEST instead of just settling for what is good enough?
If we consistently settle for “good enough” then we won’t get God’s best.
And, this goes also to the subject of dress…
It isn’t a matter of what’s good enough, but what is best. What encourages us the most?
What does my husband like the most about me? My ability to be independent and not needy. To not be emotionally manipulative or overly emotional. To be logical, intelligent, and be able to carry on a conversation.
What does he dislike about women in general? Manipulation and neediness. Both of those are social norms for women.
Intelligence shouldn’t be confused with Feminism. I think if we raise our daughters to prize intelligence over all of God’s other gifts (and we have) then we will raise a prideful feminist. We have always praised Ana for her intelligence and scholastic ability. And we are now paying that price with the half of her that wants to run all over the world being a scientist. The more we embrace ALL of her – femininity, strength of mind OVER intelligence, and strength of character, the more we get to peek at her other half… The half of her that could be a very competent and strong help meet to a very competent and strong man. I do not want to raise a weak woman. I think that would mean I would end up with a son-in-law that is less than ideal. I want to raise her with very high standards, knowing what she wants in a husband, so that she’ll end up with one that she can respect. I think too many women concentrate on submission alone and then end up with the lowest common denominator as a husband. I don’t think a strong intelligent man wants someone who won’t be able to meet his capabilities. Nor someone who can’t successfully raise his children. A wise man would look for a bright, energetic, cheerful, and willing wife who can carry on an intelligent conversation and raise his children to his high standards.
Now, ladies, I’m not saying that I’m against sports. You all know I ran cross-country and track in high school and I think sports can add many wonderful things to a young person’s life. I’m not saying I’m anti-sports or that I won’t allow our kids to play sports. But Blsdmama has surely given me something to think about. I know how much I struggle with not being a woman who shows no discretion. I know a lady who is like this- loud, aggressive in her speech, pushy, overbearing, speaks terribly disrespectfully to and about her husband. And I often think to myself, let me NOT be like that woman. It’s easy for me to slip into that pattern- I’m a talker, the excitable type with opinions and thoughts that I just love to share. Maybe to much so, sometimes.
Anyway, does anyone have anything they’d like to say about the topic. As always, I’d love to hear what you think.
